I could have entitled this piece: “Embarrassing moments” as it is the story of how I made a fool of myself in a famous Lagos Club, behaving as if I was freshly arriving in Lagos straight from my remote village!
Particularly when you consider that I had been on dance floors, in Paris, in Rome, in New York and even in Kinshasa, in the DRC, but this was ages ago and here I was, in this Lagos Club, not knowing my left from my right!
Aging can be so cruel!
Would you believe that I have been in Lagos, Nigeria for more than fourteen years, but have never set foot in a Club? After you have experienced the Saturday night fever during disco era in the late 70’s, I think that you have had enough for the rest of your life! Plus, who wants to bump into his own children, nieces or nephews, at the Club? Certainly not me!
Anyway, my cousin who lives in Botswana was visiting me here with two of her girlfriends, and she specifically asked to go partying at a club, as they wanted to have fun and have a feel of Lagos Night Vibes. So, this niece of mine, who knows her way around town, get us in that club which was the hype of the moment.
In getting there, I naturally lead them at a table, as what I remembered from ancient time was, you just sit around a table, order drinks and dance. So, as none of us wanted to drink alcohol, we asked for cokes and sprites.
The waiter was like: Sorry, you can’t stay at this table.
And I asked him: why, is this table reserved?
You can’t stay at this table, was his only answer. And he was adamant about it.
So, we found another table. And the same scenario repeated itself.
At the third table, I was so embarrassed to put my guests through this shameful welcome, that I decided to stand my ground: what is this, I shouted, can you please bring the drinks we are ordering, where is your manager?
The manager, who was a Lebanese man I think, came, had a quick look at us and told the waiter to bring our cokes. He must have thought: Tourists, lost in translation in Lagos! So, we were still able to dance and enjoy ourselves despite my poor knowledge of V.I.P. ‘s code of conduct!
In fact, I thought I was defending my consumer’s right, when I was just making a fool of myself, as my niece explained to me afterwards: Auntie, the rule is, you sit at a table, means you are ready to order for Champagne, if not, quietly stay standing where I was hanging out with my friends!
But, the funny part is, I was the only one to feel frustrated. When my cousin and her girlfriends went back to Botswana, they were like small celebrities among the Nigerians they met there, who couldn’t believe that they spent the night at the famous Rhapsody Club in Lagos! My cousin’s girlfriends were elated to have witnessed, first hand, the lavish lifestyle of some Nigerians for whom, of course, the rule is, Champagne only!